Keanu Reeves Refuses to Present Whoopi Goldberg’s

Keanu Reeves is one of the nicest, most genuine people in Hollywood. Whoopi Goldberg, on the other hand, was recently voted “most hated person” in Tinsel Town, a distinction nobody seems to be able to refute.

Reeves was chosen to present this year’s Lifetime Achievement award by the TV Production Committee, a role he was honored to take on…until he heard that he’d have to share the stage and present the award to Whoopi Goldberg.

“She’s not a nice person,” said Reeves in a voice that almost sounded like he was addressing Rufus outside the Circle K, “I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who made that mistake.”

Justin Timberlake, Wynona Ryder, and Gloria Estefan also declined. They’re still waiting to hear back from Jackie and Kelso, who desperately need something different to happen in their lives, but nobody seems to be able to find them.

“We believe those two are probably in a ravine somewhere after losing their social media following to the worst apology video ever recorded,” said Ravine Captain Joe Barron of the 136th Marine Paralegal Unit, “We’re just gonna start here in LA and go from ravine to ravine until we find them.”
Others believe that they may also be in a shallower thing, such as a ditch or even a puddle, but everyone agrees they are likely dead from embarrassment, joining their careers. Topher Grace was unavailable for comment, once again leaving his dignity intact.

Reeves said there’s no way he’ll change his mind, no matter how dumb the story gets. God Bless America.

Related Posts

Democrat Snaps On House Floor, Launches Trump Articles of Impeachment

During a tirade on the House floor, Green said, “Ethnic cleansing in Gaza is not a joke, especially when it emanates from the President of the United…

HT13. Prince Harry’s Return to the UK: A Time for Reflection and Family Unity

Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, was recently seen arriving in the United Kingdom under solemn circumstances. His return has drawn significant public attention, with many speculating…

The Coming Political Earthquake: How America’s Great Migration Could Reshape Presidential Elections Forever

Moving trucks, not political advertisements or policy discussions, are driving a subtle but significant change in American politics. As a result of millions of Americans moving to…

President Calls Rosie A Thre.at To Humanity

President Trump is back to going after Rosie O’Donnell. This time, he posted on Truth Social calling her “a threat to humanity” and said he might take…

Since beginning his second term, Trump’s net worth has grown significantly

Trump’s Net Worth Doubles in Second Term Amid Crypto and Business Surge From Real Estate to Riches—Again Donald Trump has made a stunning financial comeback since taking…

Trump: ‘I Will Save California!’

President Donald Trump pledged Thursday to rescue California from its incompetent one-party government, led by podcaster and aspiring 2028 Democrat Party presidential primary candidate Gov. Gavin Newsom…